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I just had to write to thank Stephanie Mencimer for her expo of Fresh Fields and the silly paranoid notions that have been ruling my life and the lives of many other hapless suckers (“You Aren’t What You Eat,” 1/21). I feel so silly. Imagine, spending ungodly amounts of money just to appease a ridiculous habit of avoiding toxic, genetically modified, mutant food products.

And all this time, all I had to do was trust in the Food and Drug Administration, the State Department, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and the National Research Council. It was so stupid of me to be so suspicious—you know…that nonsense about there being a revolving door between government agencies and transnational corporations like Monsanto and Archer Daniels Midland. I know better now, thanks to Mencimer. How could I doubt that these folks have anything but my health and well-being in mind or that they would give us anything but pure, unadulterated scientific facts? Worse yet, how is it possible that I suspected there might be some conflicts of interest?

I am still somewhat concerned about these genetically modified foods, though; and I’m concerned that Mencimer didn’t say much about them aside from referring to them as “Frankenfood.” But, hell, I figure if the likes of Michael Fumento give them the thumbs up, how could I believe otherwise? He’s such a multifaceted fellow. After all, not many folks can get a degree in law and then write as an expert on science and health issues for such prestigious business publications as the Wall Street Journal, Investor’s Business Daily, and Forbes. What a talented young man. He even wrote a book called The Myth of Heterosexual AIDS, to make sure we all know the real truth about this horrible disease.

And what do some stuffy ol’ biologists and geneticists know, anyway? They keep going on and on about the dangers of transferring genetic material between different plant or animal species and how this procedure may create unintended allergens or chemicals that could interfere with some enzymes and hormones in the human body. Course, somebody’ll have to let Gerber and Heinz in on this helpful information, because they’ve decided not to use genetically modified foods. Isn’t that silly?

And—what a coincidence—it so happens that Michael Fumento is also a fellow at the Hudson Institute, another of Mencimer’s illustrious sources. After all, there are few think tanks as dignified and well-connected as the Hudson Institute. Its Center for Global Food Issues states its goals as to: “promote free trade in agricultural products” and “combat efforts to limit technological innovation in agriculture.” Considering how much these folks know about agriculture, science, and health concerns, who am I to find fault with Dennis Avery, another Hudson Institute fellow, when he astutely notes, “You can’t find any food that won’t poison you if you eat too much of it”?

Thanks to Mencimer, I no longer need quibble with myself over these difficult issues, and I no longer have to get stressed out and angry about getting fucked every time I go to the store, simply because I choose not to eat toxins or mutant foods; she has assured me that it’s OK for there to be a few pesticides in my diet. After all, anything can kill you, you know. I mean, I could walk out of my house and go across the street to the Fresh Fields—of course, I won’t be doing that anymore, thanks to Mencimer for pointing out the evils of my wasteful, status-seeking, yuppie-wannabe existence (and all this time I thought I was just trying to eat nonpoisonous foods)—and get hit by a bus. Splat. Just like that. End of story. Dead as a doornail. That’s all she wrote.

Fairfax, Va.