When I was in 10th grade, my irrepressible Spanish teacher made us read Miguel de Unamuno’s “Saint Manuel Bueno, Martyr.” When I read the first words, “Religion is the opium of the people,” I took them to heart and went on my merry Marxist way. Finally, everything made sense: Humans need a way of explaining the things that we don’t understand; enter religion and philosophy. After our basic needs are met—food, shelter, sex—there’s nothing else to do, save mindfucking imaginings about what really exists on the other side of the sky. But before I get even more existentialist on you, I’ll direct you toward a production that is grounded in more than magic realism and Catholic guilt. Co-produced by Montreal theater company Les Deux Mondes and their Italian compatriots Teatro Dell’Angolo, Promised Land is an avant-garde theater piece chronicling human existence from prehistoric to modern times—all from the vantage point of a single stone. But forget anthropological pedagogy for a minute: If you have a foot fetish, this show is for you. For the entire production, the curtain never rises more than a few, uh, feet off the stage. And there are no words to distract you from your pedal fantasies. So if your most recent post-collegiate discussions regarding the temporal insignificance of human life have centered around the themes presented in The Matrix, I suggest you get your ass off that velvet chair at Tryst, go to the Kennedy Center, and look at some feet. Promised Land is performed at 7:30 p.m. Friday, March 3, and Saturday, March 4, and at 2 p.m. Sunday, March 5, at the Kennedy Center’s Terrace Theater. $25. (202) 467-4600. (Amanda Fazzone)