It is now time to let you know that the slick ads you are putting in your paper are pissing a lot of people off. I am a concierge and allow your paper to be put in our marble lobby. The same ads in every paper fall out, and there are a half-million I must wade through on my walk home on Thursdays. It is a little out of hand and unsightly. Plus it is an advertisement for certain death. If you need advertising that much, just charge for the damn paper.
I think I mentioned the marble floor in the lobby—the lobby of an 11-floor building of only law firms. It is the year 2000, and there are some hungry lawyers out there.