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Poor misunderstood Rick Rockwell. All he was looking for was someone to share his love of hockey and inappropriately humble home. Surely a true multimillionaire wouldn’t live there, you might say. What you must realize is that Rick—comedian, real estate mogul, star-crossed lover—is a better person than you or I and needs not flaunt his wealth. He naively believed that television and his own private beauty pageant would lead him to his destiny; he foolishly thought a little kissin’ was appropriate after exchanging vows with his just-met new wife. He might not have been Darva’s bag, baby, but allow me to make a case for myself: Rick, I know what it means to be off-side. I love it when men let the air out of my tires (it only shows you care). And when fate finally brings you here to Washington and into my arms (just a peck on the cheek, please), I’ll be your lover, partner, and best friend, and I’ll never ask you to define “multi.” Oh, and Rick: The people at the Guinness Book of World Records aren’t the only ones interested in your ability to perform for more than 30 hours. Check out the treasure that Darva so cruelly tossed aside when Rick’s National Annulment Tour makes a stop in D.C. at 8:30 p.m. Monday, April 17, to Thursday, April 20, at the Improv, 1140 Connecticut Ave. NW. $15. (202) 296-7008. (Tricia Olszewski)