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Don’t be fooled: When promoting its “Spring Peepers” extravaganza, the Fairfax County Park Authority promises acres of twilight innocence: “Search and listen for mating frogs, toads, and other night creatures on this 1.5-mile hike.” Ahh, how peaceful, you think. Come on, people: What’s really being advertised is nothing but a down ‘n’ dirty nookie ‘n’ nature walk. That’s right: The trail might as well be lit with blinking neon. I’ve seen what walking through wildlife does to the youth of America, and I’ve been scarred. Last year, I journeyed to the Tidal Basin to observe playful beavers chomping on cherry trees during a midnight feed. But what did I find instead? Humpers! Hundreds of humping humpers. I’ve never seen so many humpers—and I went to Syracuse. So while looking for mating frogs this evening, be careful where you step. Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, indeed. Meet at 7 p.m. at Riverbend Nature Center, 8814 Jeffrey Road, Great Falls. Free. For reservations call (703) 759-9018. (Sean Daly)