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As if I didn’t have enough distracting crap swirling around my brain while teeing off at Hains Point, literary caddies Phil Lee, M.D., and Jeff Warne have decided that what I really need to do is think even more on the links. In Shrink Your Handicap: A Revolutionary Program From an Acclaimed Psychiatrist and a Top 100 Golf Instructor, the authors attempt to tame the “saber-toothed” beast that “roams through tunnels beneath the course like some guerrilla ready to spring up at the most unexpected moment.” Whatever. Shrink Your Handicap’s schtick basically boils down to calming “performance anxiety” with goofy mantras and ridiculous mental images. And all this talk about performance anxiety can’t be healthy. Kinda makes me think the boys are talking about more than golf, you know? Like if I keep shooting 127s, I’ll never be able to procreate. Great, my girlfriend’s gonna love this. Lee and Warne discuss their book at 6 p.m. at the Hirshhorn Museum and Sculpture Garden’s Ring Auditorium, 7th and Independence Ave. SW. $15. For reservations call (202) 357-3030. (Sean Daly)