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Apparently, National Park Service rangers worry about my vacation pictures. They fret when they see my brother’s demonic red eyes surveying Cape Hatteras National Seashore. They get chills down their spines when they spot my middle finger blocking half the Jefferson Memorial. They steam in their brown uniforms when they think about how my flashless disposable would render Mount Rushmore a gray-and-black blob. So in the interest of image control, the NPS has recruited Jim Guizel of Afterglow Photography Studio to teach all of us how to best represent our national treasures on film. Excuse me, but don’t they have bigger things to worry about? Like, say, the professionally snapped photographs from Los Alamos, N.M., that have recently appeared on the front page of almost every newspaper in the country? It’s a cheap shot, I know, so ignore me and show up for “Vacation Portraiture” with a flash-equipped camera and a roll of 400- or 800-speed film at 2:30 p.m. at the Kenilworth Park and Aquatic Gardens Visitor Center, Douglas Street and Anacostia Drive NE. Free. (202) 426-6905. (Elissa Silverman)