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No matter how toupee-sizzling hot or nipple-numbing cold it might be outside, the climate in my basement apartment—aka “Musty Downs” among those unfortunate enough to have ever been guests—never changes: 81 degrees and humid as hell. I’ve assembled an army of fans, a battalion of dehumidifiers, even a clankety old war horse of an air conditioner, but the shift in temperature/dew point has always been mystifyingly minimal. Maybe it’s the insulation of fuzzy vermin gamboling in the walls or the flurry of flies buzzing about the ceiling. Whatever the case, I’m stuck there forever: The Dupont Circle pit is only $550 a month, and everyone says that’s the best deal in D.C. Plus, when authority figures such as Karen Hopfl-Harris start spouting off about “Death by Degrees: The Emerging Health Crisis of Climate Change,” I, unlike the rest of the world, handle the news with a snort. For better or worse, the weather just doesn’t change in Musty Downs. Hopfl-Harris speaks at noon at the International Organization for Migration’s Ground Floor Conference Room, 1752 N St. NW. Free. (202) 646-2945. (SD)