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The New York Avenue Metro Station

Until last week, District boosters had been excitedly proclaiming the imminent rebirth of New York Avenue NE. The White House had authorized $25 million for a new Metro station, and local business were planning to foot the rest of the bill. The station, supporters said, would revitalize the gritty, heavily trafficked strip and provide easy transportation to a new headquarters for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms (ATF).

But now, Congress is threatening to scupper the deal via a new demand that the District pay two-thirds of the station’s cost. A predictable byproduct of Capitol Hill budget wrangling? We doubt it. The Washington City Paper’s team of conspiracy gumshoes know that these “done deals” never evaporate without a little help. A few possibilities for just who torpedoed the new New York Avenue station:

Suspect:

Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy’s Old Fashioned Hamburger.

Motive:

Burger sales. No one walks to the Wendy’s that’s right across the street from the proposed site at 100 New York Ave. NE. A new Metro station could decimate the drive-thru business at the bustling fast-food takeout joint.

Means:

Free Frostys. Think Congress only reacts to goodies like soft money and campaign contributions? You should see what budgetary wonders can be worked with an icy chocolate shake on a hot summer day.

Suspect:

Dr. Marc A. Weiss, ubiquitous D.C. development consultant and chairman of New York Avenue Metro Station Corp.

Motive:

Job security. If New York Avenue actually gets developed, what’s left for Weiss to do?

Means:

Yelling on speaker phone. A few eardrum-splitting calls from Weiss would leave members of Congress pleading for mercy.

Suspect:

The Michigan Militia, survivalist group.

Motive:

Revenge. Militiamen are still pissed at ATF for the Waco raid. They’d like nothing better than to force a bunch of jackbooted government thugs to walk down New York Avenue—or ride the bus—to get to work every day.

Means:

Endorsements. Do you know what kind of damage an endorsement from this kind of fringe group could do to a Congressional candidate in a tight election year like this one? —Stephanie Mencimer and Michael Schaffer