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The following advice goes out to the vibrant women and men attending college in D.C. this fall: Drink heavily. I mean it: Get loaded as often as possible. Smoke lotsa cigarettes, too. You see, when you get to be my age—a creaky, flabby, world-weary 30—a festive night of tippling and puffing costs you three days of recovery and self-loathing. But when you’re young—those booze-drenched salad years of 18 to 22—the effects caused by heavy revelry are easily erased with a morning-after Advil and maybe an Egg McMuffin. You punks don’t know how good you have it! Now, I certainly don’t want you driving or puking or taking a swing at someone. Oh, and always wear a condom, even when you’re alone. All I’m saying is that your endless reserve of bounce-back-ability is something to be cherished and utilized. So stay young, have fun, drink everything—and don’t tell your parents. Start tonight at LuLu’s of D.C.’s Malibu Rum Drink Contest and Party. At 8 p.m. at LuLu’s, 1217 22nd St. NW. Free. (202) 439-2001. (Sean Daly)