Tired of Ward 1 neighborhood-solidarity events long on gentrifier condescension and short on Central American authenticity? Then try the Three Kings Day procession, which will wind its way west from Malcolm X Park up Columbia Road today. The celebration honors not George Clooney, Ice Cube, and Mark Wahlberg, but the bearers of gold, frankincense, and myrrh who followed a star to Bethlehem and found an infant J.C. cold-chillin’ on a straw pallet in times of yore. The parade is sponsored by Gala Hispanic Theatre—which continues to make good on its 25-year commitment to celebrate the culture of those Latino residents of Mount Pleasant/Adams Morgan/Columbia Heights not yet priced out of their homes—and promises to showcase that quirky Catholic mysticism that patrons of Dos Gringos and the Marx Cafe will undoubtedly find oh-so-genuine. At 2 p.m. at the Josephine Butler Parks Center, 2437 15th St. NW. Free. (202) 234-7174. (Justin Moyer)