SUNDAY

“You could never unmask him like Darth Vader, because if you were to take the mask off, there would be nothing there. That is why you see him wear different masks at different times. That is how he presented himself, but killing was the only thing he knew.” Those are the words of Gunnar Hansen, the hulking thespian who portrayed the most unsettling power-tool-wielding psychopath of all time: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s Leatherface (pictured). The first—and last—time I watched the cult classic, I was munching on some microwave pizza when the blood-splattered maniac first busted loose from his bone-infested rumpus room. Christ, it was terrible: To this day, Safeway-bought pizza makes me wanna hurl. But the most scarring image in the flick isn’t even that violent: In the final shot, Leatherface, backlit by a sunrise and waving that rusty chainsaw high above his head, breaks out this funky, nightmare-inducing dance that is just about the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Recurring daydreams of Leatherface have put me in no mood to write about today’s Tan Your Hide workshop. Get this: Attendees will learn the traditional American Indian method of hide tanning by using animal brains—yeah, you read that right—plus how to make hide glue and develop various hide uses (such as horrific masks). Should be interesting—or, at the least, really gross. By the way, when you hear that chainsaw kick in, run like hell—but not into the woods. You never run into the woods. Lessons in hide-making begin at 1 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 21, at Lawrence Park, 5040 Walney Road, Chantilly. Free. For reservations call (703) 631-0013. (Sean Daly)