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The only part of The Wedding Planner that’s can’t-miss is Jennifer Lopez’s ass. The rest of the film is, well, less significant—and not nearly as easy to watch. The Wedding Planner posits J. Lo as Mary, an anal-retentive manager of marriages who’s on the fast track to partnership in her firm—but who each night comes home to an empty apartment and emptier personal life. One felicitous afternoon, Mary gets her heel stuck in a manhole cover while crossing the street, just as a mammoth dumpster is knocked free by an errant cab and starts heading her way. Cue rescue by aw-shucks Southern gentleman: Pediatrician Dr. Steve (Matthew McConaughey) shoves Mary aside in the hick—er, nick—of time, and their eyes meet and the angels sing. They go on a dream date, complete with outdoor dancing, old romantic movie, and sudden warm-weather downpour; the next day at work, poor, lonely Mary can’t stop smiling (although we don’t see them trade numbers, and he later admits that he figured he’d never see her again—quelle romance!). The plot twist—given away in the trailer—is that Steve is better known as Eddie, fiancé of high-society Fran (Bridgette Wilson-Sampras), who’s just hired Mary as the planner of her megabucks wedding. Now that Steve—Eddie is a shortened version of his last name, favored by Fran—is pretty much stuck with seeing Mary on a regular basis, he needs to turn his attraction to her into cool indifference—which, for the gape-mouthed McConaughey, isn’t a stretch—with a good dose of I-never-really-wanted-you-anyway bitterness thrown in. In the meantime, Mary’s father has arranged for her to wed a Greek stud whom she’s known since she was a child, who manages to show up wherever Mary is to tell her in broken English how much he loves her. By the end of the film, Mary and Steve dance a few more times, there’s another oh-my-gosh! rescue, and we find out the real reason Mary has been shunning love for so long: “He said they were just friends!” Although Mary has one surprising moment of feminist strength, her I’m-single-and-I’m-OK outlook is thrown out the window when she makes the most completely pathetic decision I’ve ever seen in a romantic comedy. If you prefer seeing Lopez in more respectable situations, skip The Wedding Planner and stick to the tabloids. —Tricia Olszewski