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Heccck-thwog-gack! Kicked off by some explosive post-Super Bowl barfing—an entire party platter of “Ravens” wings: What was I thinking?—my current cold-flu-phlegm-fest has proved to be a resilient sonofabitch: It’s been more than two under-the-weather weeks now, and I’m still feeling a tad vomitious, my fever spikes continue to lean toward the hallucinatory (Dave Brubeck made out of clay: What was I thinking?), and, worst of all, this gooey, choppy cough—heccck-thwog-gack!—is just getting grosser. I’m a veritable loogie farm these days—not to mention a stubborn ass: I refuse to see a medical professional, thoroughly convinced that constant shots of NyQuil will soon conquer my snotty invader. Whatever you do, don’t be a Daly: Save yourself and learn what I’m doing dreadfully wrong at “Stop Being Sick!” a seminar on—heccck-thwog-gack!—maintaining perfect health safely and naturally. At 10 a.m. at the Tanglewood Wellness Center, 5825 Tanglewood Drive, Bethesda. $95. (301) 320-9299. (Sean Daly)