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Like most marketing-driven Hollywood genre hybrids, Head Over Heels aspires to many things—and fails at all of them. It wants to be a charming romantic comedy, but it flops because its central characters are vapid and because the situations they’re thrust into are hackneyed and vulgar. It tries to trade on the glamour of fashion models, casting four actual models as the heroine’s new friends and roommates, only to abuse them with dumb-blonde jokes and physical and scatological humor. And it hangs the whole mess on a thriller premise, even though no one could possibly be goosebumped by a Russian-mobsters-infiltrate-the-fashion-biz plot as perfunctory as this one. The unpleasantness begins when Amanda Pierce (Monica Potter), who’s apparently the Metropolitan Museum’s top Renaissance-art restorer at the age of approximately 23, meets new neighbor Jim Winston (Freddie Prinze Jr.)—and the Great Dane Jim’s walking promptly knocks her down and tries to rape her. The smitten Amanda then becomes convinced that Jim is a murderer, but she falls into bed with him anyway, and they have hot sex while all her roommates (but not the PG-13 audience) watch from their apartment across the street. Amanda’s skinny, tall, and klutzy pals help her investigate Jim—which requires them to spend a lot of time in bathrooms, where they’re assaulted by flatulence and erupting sewage. Ultimately, it turns out that Jim is really Abner Doubleday, a cross-dressing Mossad agent with a thing for beluga whales. OK, so I made most of that last part up. Incredibly, though, not all of it. —Mark Jenkins