Having grown up on Warner Bros. cartoons, I’m proof that watching animated anvils getting dropped on people’s heads and singing “Kill the Wabbit” along with an angry little Elmer Fudd holding a shotgun won’t ruin a kid for life. When it comes to live action, however—and it’s looking as if David Arquette’s presence in a movie may be as trusty as the MPAA at warning of overdone violence—I can’t help but wonder if guns being pointed at animals and a man getting his testicle bitten off by a dog (and replaced by a metal ball) qualify as suitable entertainment for children. See Spot Run stars Arquette as Gordon, a fumbling man-child who must prove that he’s not as dumb as he looks—and that he’s worthy of a willowy blonde’s love—when he’s stuck looking after the blonde’s son, James (Angus T. Jones), for a couple of days. Meanwhile, one of the FBI’s finest canines, Agent 11, escapes from a doggie witness-protection program (established when a hit was put on the mutt after a messy drug bust). Agent 11 wanders into mailman Gordon’s truck and makes friends with James, who’s nestled among the sacks of mail while Gordon works his route. Seeing as how dogs are every mailman’s worst enemy, Gordon initially tries to pry the two apart. But because Gordon is really just (surprise!) a big ol’ softy, Agent 11—now referred to as Spot—gets to stick around. James becomes a bit disenchanted with the dog, though, when Spot refuses to change his tough FBI demeanor. (When Gordon tries to get him to catch a ball, Spot flashes back to his puppy-boot-camp trainer instructing, “No playing!”) James and Gordon soon come to the conclusion that Spot is, well, “retarded”—always a nice word to introduce to an impressionable audience. Spot’s hit men, still under the orders of their boss (Paul Sorvino, believe it or not), finally catch up to the dog in a Home Alone-inspired finale of destruction, gunfire, and injury (there goes the other testicle!)—you know, family fun. Of course, the dog prevails, the guy gets the girl, and kids all across America will leave the theaters asking, “Daddy, why did it click when the bad man walked?” —Tricia Olszewski