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I like talking. A lot. I like talking about myself and, by extension, all things that make me happy, even more. If you listen to some people named Maori, it’s ’cause I’m a Libra. But it’s really ’cause I’m a tour guide at heart. Of course, I’ll never become one—there are too many robots in the business. And even if I did choose that vocation, how would I compete with a precision instrument that never sleeps, never eats, never takes a break, and has not only perfect hair but a dead-on, never-cracking, perfectly intoned voice? Maybe I’ll have a better shot if I go to the “Wanted: D.C. Tour Guides” workshop, which begins at 6 p.m. at First Class Inc., 1726 20th St. NW. $30. For reservations call (202) 797-5102. (Mike Kanin)