14

SATURDAY

A few months ago, a much-ballyhooed book was published detailing the tradition-rich 16-year history of soccer at Camp Hill High School. (Believe me: The ballyhoo was quite riotous in the Harrisburg, Pa., suburb.) Its author exhaustively details the sport’s modest beginnings in the sleepy town and offers up an exhaustive list of the players who somehow managed not to make a mockery of the game. Unfortunately, this so-called historian left out one crucial detail: me, the brave young soul who scored the very first goal in school history! That’s right: I was like the friggin’ Pelé of Camp Hill, so you’d assume I’d get my own chapter, right? Wrong. Not even a footnote. And I know who forced this nasty slight, too: a couple of pissy parents who just couldn’t handle my flashy offensive tactics. So until this wrong is righted, I’m boycotting all things soccer, including today’s inaugural game of the Women’s United Soccer Association, featuring Mia Hamm’s Washington Freedom against Brandi Chastain’s Bay Area CyberRays. Screw Hamm and Chastain: They’ve been written about enough. Play begins at 2 p.m. at RFK Stadium, 22nd and East Capitol Streets NE. $12-$37. (202) 547-3137. (Sean Daly)