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I fucking hate trees. When they’re not getting in the way of a pristine town-house community, they’re providing shelter for some dirty hippy welfare communist with 27 kids. And to top it off, they suck up all that carbon dioxide that we humans need so desperately to survive. So this year, in honor of Arbor Day, let’s kill some of the buggers. Your kids can start by attending the Rock Creek Nature Center’s “Plant a Paper Tree” workshop, where the lucky tykes will get to hear a story (no doubt about some stupid tree), then make paper mock-ups of the foul greenery. Although these few colorful cutouts will hardly take out the Amazon, the kiddies will get to feel good about doing their part to wreak havoc on the freestanding woody community. At 4 p.m. at the Rock Creek Park Nature Center, 5200 Glover Road NW. Free. (202) 426-6829. (Mike Kanin)