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When a movie’s leading man is upstaged by fleeting cameos by Norm Macdonald, Adam Sandler, and a slap-happy orangutan, it’s time to rethink the sequel. And believe it or not, a sequel to The Animal is already in the works. Rob Schneider’s weaselly nice-guy schtick is just this side of creepy and lacks the goofy charm that enables his former SNL colleagues to wrangle laughs from even the lamest comedy, and the weak premise of The Animal certainly needed such a savior: Schneider plays Marvin Mange, a wannabe cop whose fumbling ineptitude keeps him from securing a spot on the force. While responding to a 911 call when left alone at the precinct house, Marvin is involved in a near-fatal car accident and saved by a doctor who swaps some animal parts for Marvin’s own. Soon, Marvin is catching Frisbees, sniffing out concealed drugs, and sending other animals into tizzies when he’s around (his grinning, raised-eyebrow come-on to a goat set to “Let’s Get It On” is a—well, actually, the—highlight). He also attracts the attention of animal-lover Rianna, played by—let’s get this out of the way—America’s sweetheart, Colleen Haskell of you-know-what fame. Haskell does a respectable job of giggling and looking squinty-eyed adorable, though the film goes a little overboard trying to tell us how drool-worthy she is. (A cop stopping her to say, “I should give you a ticket for being too darn cute” is one of the film’s more painful moments.) Though a big deal has been made of Haskell’s sudden leading-lady status (even Entertainment Weekly referred to her as “Ms. Summer Movie” during a recent interview), this ain’t Pearl Harbor we’re talking about: Such blink-and-it’s-gone seasonal filler as The Animal doesn’t ask much of its comely love-interest props, and Haskell is as qualified as any of Hollywood’s pretties to look alternately puzzled and tickled as the plot unfolds. A ridiculous twist at the end offers the only plausible reason why Rianna would be attracted to a buffoon such as Marvin—though the horny goat’s rejection of Marvin’s advances is a more accurate gauge of Schneider’s appeal. —Tricia Olszewski