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WEDNESDAY

If you’re willing to wait hours in line, the FBI will let you—a mere civilian— spend 60 minutes on a guided jaunt of its headquarters. On the FBI Tour, you’ll want to fire a tommy gun, meet the alien survivors of Roswell, listen to wiretaps of Sinatra wooing Mob women, sneak a peek at the agency’s cache of Marilyn Monroe pics, bat your eyes at Special Agent Dana Scully, destroy your “permanent record,” and skinny dip in a sensory deprivation chamber. Chances are, however, that you won’t get to fully realize all of your pent-up fantasies about life inside the J. Edgar Hoover building. But maybe, just maybe, you can sneak away from the pack without the tour guide—or the legions of security officers—noticing. Then it’s up to you. Remember: The truth is in there. Between 8:45 a.m. and 4:15 p.m. at the FBI Building, 9th and E Streets NW. Free. For reservations call (202) 324-3447. (Felix Gillette)