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The problem with the French? They may have invented cognito ergo sum, but they don’t know diddly about kicking out the jams. Put all the French philosophers who ever lived in a room, and they could never come up with a song as stupid cool as “Slow Ride.” They’re too smart. Instead, they’d give us something like the Amor Belhom Duo. Listening to guitarist/vocalist Naím Amor and drummer/percussionist Thomas Belhom trying to rock is like watching ballerinas slam-dance—it’s obvious they’re slumming. If you happen to like an eclectic mix of cool French pop, lots of fussy percussion, and the occasional prickly stab at rocking out—or if you’ve ever wondered what Jean-Paul Sartre would sound like if he were given a Stratocaster—you may want to check out Amor Belhom Duo or Wavelab, both on Carrot Top Records. But, personally, I can’t tell which inspires greater nausea—and I’m not talking the existential variety—Marianne “the French Bernie Taupin” Dissard’s Cartesian lyrics (“I have a language, it’s mine/You have a language, it’s mind”) or the way Amor pronounces “long-widge.” Paris might be burning (to rock), but it’s not gonna happen, believe you me. Not with these pop manques manning the barricades. With the Handsome Family at XX p.m. Thursday, Oct. 4, at IOTA, 2832 Wilson Blvd., Arlington. $XX. (703) 522-8340. (Michael Little)