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I don’t care what emu farmers or coffee speculators say: In times of economic slowdown, do yourself a favor and put your money in pigs. Not a piggy bank, stupid: I’m talking pink snouts and curly tails. Pound for pound, pigs are worth their weight in gold. You can sell pigs as pets (think Babe), or you can sell pigs as pork products (think bacon). Keep them rolling in mud and they’ll keep you rolling in profits, especially around the holidays. Maybe it’s my clogged arteries talking, but kids today don’t want toys; they want pork chops, ham, and sausage. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like a stocking full of scrapple. Learn more about these dynamic animals (well, mostly what we do with them after they’re dead) and “peer into a pot of rendering fat” when the Claude Moore Colonial Farm family hosts a hog butchering demonstration called “Everything but the Squeal” at 1 p.m. at the Claude Moore Colonial Farm at Turkey Run, 6310 Georgetown Pike, McLean. $2. (703) 442-7557. (Felix Gillette)