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Like most know-nothings, I tend to think of arts-grant recipients as welfare cheats in paint-spattered muftis, no-account poets sucking avidly at the public teat. Getting grant money is a racket, like boosting cars or holding up liquor stores. Remarkably, though, in the grant biz, the victims take an active role in their victimization, writing out the rules for wannabe muggers to follow and, in the case of the state of Virginia, actually holding “public information sessions” to teach them how to swing the blackjack. You’d have to be nuts not to want a piece of this action. I don’t live in Virginia, but if I did, I’d be attending one of these forthcoming sessions because (a) I’ve got a great idea for a performance-art piece that involves me, a sheep, and a pair of rubber boots, and (b) as crime goes, it sure beats buying a gun. Tonight’s “Information Session for Arts Grantseekers” begins at 7 p.m. at the Arlington Central Library, 1015 N. Quincy St., Arlington. Free. (703) 228-1852. (Michael Little)