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The Washington City Paper’s verdict on a petty dispute near you

In: Tenleytown

Residents are opposing: Round Table Restaurant and Bar

Because: Round Table customers “fornicate, they vomit, they slam doors…at two or three in the morning.”

We Say: Who doesn’t?

In: Capitol Hill

Residents are opposing: Securities and Exchanges Commission

Because: The SEC wants to build a 10-story office building next to Union Station—a construction project that could last a decade.

We Say: Build it and Reagan will come.

In: Logan Circle

Residents are opposing: Mid-City Fish Market

Because: Residents, who have tried to shut the place down, say the market is ugly, stinky, and falling apart.

We Say: Hello? It’s a fish market.

In: Georgetown

Residents are opposing: Rhino Bar and Pumphouse

Because: Customers are thought responsible for late-night noise.

We Say: Change name to Mouse Bar and Pumphouse.

In: Capitol Hill

Residents are opposing: Girls and Boys Town homes for abused and neglected children.

Because: Girls and Boys Town is building homes for disadvantaged children.

We Say: Only advantaged children should live on Capitol Hill.

In: Friendship Heights

Residents are opposing: Stonebridge Associates

Because: Developer is proposing a massive apartment building with retail space less than 100 feet from private homes.

We Say: Oh no, sound urban planning! —Daphne Retter