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The latest from Tamra (Billy Madison) Davis, in which Britneyzilla comes alive, pounding across the country on a road trip—excuse me, journey of self-realization—uprooting motels with her scaly, French-tipped claws and stomping the futures, determination, and very lifeblood out of her two “best friends” and one hapless boy with her mighty baby-blue slides. Take that, Texas! (Chomp!) How’s it feel to be flatter than my belly, Arizona? (Crunch!) North America’s premier entertainer plays good-girl valedictorian Lucy to Taryn Manning’s trailer-park-mom-to-be Mimi and Zoe Saldana’s prissy princess Kit in this predictable but not uncongenial parade of cliches. The three ex-best pals re-bond and do a lot of giggling car-radio singalongs as they’re chauffeured from Georgia to El Lay by hunk du jour Ben (Anson Mount) in a madcap jaunt to follow their childhood dreams. Tough luck for Mimi and Kit, though: Lucy’s very presence sends their high hopes down the dumper. But all is not lost, because Lucy rejects her dad’s stifling, soul-draining plans for her to become a doctor and gets to be a really big pop star, which is—oopsie—actually Mimi’s dream. But fuck her; isn’t it enough that Lucy lets her and the dazed-looking Kit, who won’t go on to Junior League Barbiedom after all, sing backup? What do these bitches want? By the end, Britney has pitched everyone onto the crossroads of her own ambition like so many empty Pepsi cans and so thoroughly demasculinized Ben that he’s stripped of his guitar and made to play keyboards in the dark while she sings “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman” (original title: “Thanks for the Deflowering, Whozits, That Amp Goes Over There”) and soaks up every ray of a dazzling spotlight. Faster, Britney! Kill! Kill! —Arion Berger