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In: Adams Morgan

Residents are opposing: The sale of illegal documents on the 1700 block of Columbia Road

Because: The contraband threatens national security.

We Say: “Look at me—I’m the King of Sweden!”

In: Woodley Park

Residents are opposing: Single-pane windows

Because: They’re inappropriate for historic properties.

We Say: So are heaters, air conditioning, electricity,

running water…

In: Takoma Park

Residents are opposing: The city’s plan to put up to 95 town houses at the Takoma Metro station

Because: The plan provides inadequate green space.

We Say: “Whoa, my pot plants need more room!”

In: Cleveland Park

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Residents are opposing: New streetlights

Because: They’re too bright.

We Say: Please find something funnier to complain about.

In: Columbia Heights

Residents are opposing: Kids

Because: They hurl bricks—and epithets—at neighbors.

We Say: Johnny can’t read, but he has a great arm. — Dave Nuttycombe