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Residents are opposing: St. Patrick’s Episcopal Day School’s expansion plan
Because: It would bring traffic and noise to the neighborhood.
We Say: Shhh…don’t wake the Episcopalians.
In: North Cleveland Park
Residents are opposing: Proposed rumble strips on Yuma Street
Because: They’re noisy. They vibrate.
We Say: Change name to French Tickler Avenue, charge toll.
In: Cleveland Park
Residents are opposing: A mysterious man who mumbles to himself
Because: He snaps branches off shrubs.
We Say: Mmmble, grmmmbllm, damn branch, grble…
Residents are opposing: Dogs
Because: You know that field along 9th Street NE? They shit all over it.
We Say: “Dog” spelled backward is “Geez! What the hell did I step in?!”
In: Adams Morgan
Residents are opposing: A white male, about 5-foot-9, thin, and 50-ish, with very short hair
Because: He steals cats.
We Say: Those cats were going to leave you anyway.