THURSDAY

Don’t go see John Pinette if you don’t want to hear fat jokes. The poppin’-fresh funnyman talks endlessly about food (“I had all-you-can-eat shrimp once. It was by the pool. I was paying room service to just hold them up, and I was jumping like Free Willy”). His CD is called Show Me the Buffet. His signature routine involves being kicked out of an all-you-can-eat Chinese restaurant. His press kit describes his can’t-fail approach to hecklers: “I pretty much allude to sitting on them.” Hell, just look at him. Although the portly Massachusetts native is hard to miss, you’ve probably missed him as a “computer-expert monk” in the Dennis Rodman flick Simon Sez, and as the coach in Fox’s Parker Lewis Can’t Lose. His big moment, however, was as a hapless and genuinely touching carjacking victim named Howie: Four smartasses named George, Elaine, Kramer, and Jerry are currently turning slowly over the rotisserie flames of Sitcom Hell for giggling, quipping, and videotaping during Howie’s victimization in the final episode of Seinfeld. So laugh if you will, but laugh wisely, and watch yourself, ’cause you can’t fool the fat man. Stepin Fetchit of flab? You won’t find me suggesting it to his face at 8:30 p.m., Thursday, June 6 at 8 p.m. and 10 p.m. at the Improv, 1140 Connecticut Ave. NW. $17-$20. (202) 296-7008. (Pamela Murray Winters)