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To achieve maximum creep-out factor, when reading the following excerpt from The Parrot Who Owns Me, please remember that ornithologist Joanna Burger is writing about her pet bird, the extremely horny Tiko: “Raised on a farm, I had learned the facts of life early. As a biologist I had spent many hours observing the sexual habits of birds, mammals, and reptiles. Prior to this point, I had found his courtship of me charming and fascinating, although his constant need for attention was a bit trying at times. But as he ran his tongue over my fingers under the credenza, I realized for the first time how serious he was, and I found that vaguely unnerving. I was exciting to him, even thrilling. My feelings for him were warm and fuzzy, difficult to describe. I retreated into my role of scientist, observing his behavior and stashing it for later analysis. But I was uneasy, as though I had transgressed an ancient taboo. His calls were low in his throat, a kind of purring, his tongue ardent and infinitely gentle on my knuckles.” “Vaguely unnerving”? But this true story gets even freakier, as the Red-lored Amazon parrot battles Burger’s husband for sexual supremacy: “When Mike gently kissed my supine body, Tiko landed on his naked back, wildly pecking him. Tiko stopped briefly to peer into my eyes and preen my hair.” Oh yeah: Polly’s definitely wanting a little somethin’ more than a cracker. The feathers fly at 7 p.m. Tuesday, June 25, at Huntley Meadows Park, 3701 Lockheed Blvd., Alexandria. Free. For reservations call (703) 768-2525. (Sean Daly)