There’s still time to nominate local icons for Best of D.C.
Let’s be frank: Mike Myers’ newest character, Goldmember, exists solely to provide the third Austin Powers installment with a source of penis jokes. There’s nothing else that’s particularly funny about this newest Austin Powers foil, an allegedly Dutch roller-disco king with a hard-on for (and of) gold, but don’t worry. Fat Bastard is back and as disgusting as ever (though a bit funnier this time), along with Frau Farbissina (Mindy Sterling), Number Two (Robert Wagner), and, of course, Mini-Me (Verne Troyer). Austin Powers in Goldmember also offers Japanese twins Fook Yu and Fook Mi, Steven Spielberg performing handsprings, and lines such as “You mean I actually have frickin’ sharks with frickin’ lasers attached to their frickin’ heads?” For Myers, God bless him, no joke’s too cheap, even if it’s naming a character Mr. Roboto just so Austin (Myers also) can quote some Styx lyrics. Goldmember starts with a hyperproduced bang, throwing megastar cameos and lavish musical numbers at you before lapsing into the miniplot, something about the guy with the golden wang being bad, Austin having daddy issues, and the significance of Scott Evil’s (Seth Green) hair falling out. Destiny’s Child Beyonce Knowles smiles in all the right places as retro love interest Foxxy Cleopatra, but in this episode, Austin is focused not so much on getting shagged as on working on his relationship with his father (a suitably swinging Michael Caine, uttering nonsensical lines such as “I thought I smelled cabbage” with Oscar-worthy silliness). The movie can’t help but falter a bit after its balls-to-the-wall start, though with its torrent of sight gags, puns, and innuendo, no one in the popcorn nation will likely notice. To paraphrase Austin after he blows fembot Britney’s head off: Oops, he did it again, baby, yeah! —Tricia Olszewski