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Dear Washington Capitals: By the time you read this, I will be gone. After 12 long years, I have finally realized that you’re never going to change, and I’ve decided to move on. Oh, you keep telling me, “This year will be different, baby,” but I know that at the end of another playoffless season, I’ll hear the same list of sorry excuses: injuries, lack of chemistry, bad luck. I’ve tried so hard to make this relationship work, but you never live up to your promises, and there are so many other teams that can give me what I need. (Boston, maybe?) So I’m sorry, but don’t expect to see me in the stands tonight when you play the (as of Dec. 17) Southeast Division-leading Tampa Bay Lightning. In fact, I won’t be coming back at all. Wait—who am I kidding? I can’t do this. I know you’re just going to hurt me again, but I can’t help it—I’m a slut for your 10th-place love! Go Caps! The game begins at 7 p.m. at the MCI Center, 601 F St. NW. $10-$206. (202) 432-7328. (Matthew Borlik)