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On March 16, citizens who own walkie-talkies are supposed to fire them up en masse in the first test run of the D.C. Emergency Radio Network. The network, which was born as the Cleveland Park Emergency Radio Network, is meant to keep information flowing if ordinary modes of communication break down in the event of an actual emergency.

But why wait for catastrophe to strike? Ordinary life in Cleveland Park offers plenty of reasons to keep the two-way radios humming. —Felix Gillette

Cleveland Park Emergencies, Non-Terrorist-Related

Low Alert: Recycling trucks arrive too early in the morning.

Guarded Alert: Increased chatter among the open-Klingle Road faction.

Elevated Alert: Thistle & Shamrock staffers overrun Nanny O’Brien’s.

High Alert: D.C. property-tax assessor spotted on Newark Street.

Severe Alert: Surly guy at work behind the counter of Potomac Video.