The voices were right: Everyone at work really is out to get me. The receptionists “accidentally” lose my calls, the jerk one cube over deliberately clacks his keyboard too loudly, and just last week I caught the office asshole in the staff kitchen slobbering all over my carton of soy milk. It’s a good thing my boss signed us all up for that “How to Handle the Toxic People in Your Life” seminar, because I’m about to lose my shit and get all Delta Force on these passive-aggressive freaks, Chuck Norris-style. Oh, rampaging through the office with a wiffle-ball bat is tempting, but the doctors say that if I start dealing with people in a more “positive and constructive” manner, they’ll lighten up on the electroshock therapy. So maybe I’ll give these jackasses one last chance and try to work things out. After all, I can’t be the only normal human being in this godforsaken office, can I? Find out at 6:30 p.m. at First Class Inc., 1726 20th St. NW. $37. (202) 797-5102. (MB)