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In: Shepherd Park

Residents are opposing: Commuters who speed down side streets to avoid construction on 16th Street NW

Because: It’s dangerous.

We say: In Grand Theft Auto 4, you can make angry residents

spontaneously combust.

In: Northeast

Residents are opposing: A neighborhood drugstore

Because: Pharmacy staff allegedly mixes up prescriptions.

We say: Why am I so depressed about my raging hard-on?

In: Chevy Chase

Residents are opposing: A plan to add lights to neighborhood tennis courts

Because: It will increase nighttime noise levels.

We say: Neighbors: 40 (and over); Love: Love

In: Takoma, D.C.

Residents are opposing: People “just hanging out” in front of businesses

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Because: They’re bothersome.

We say: If you’re going to be an eyesore, at least play a tambourine

or something.

In: Cleveland Park

Residents are opposing: X2: X-Men United at the Uptown Theater

Because: Patrons leave behind lots of litter.

We say: Cleveland Park ANC voices support for Mutant Registration Act. —Josh Levin