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In: Shepherd Park
Residents are opposing: Commuters who speed down side streets to avoid construction on 16th Street NW
Because: It’s dangerous.
We say: In Grand Theft Auto 4, you can make angry residents
spontaneously combust.
In: Northeast
Residents are opposing: A neighborhood drugstore
Because: Pharmacy staff allegedly mixes up prescriptions.
We say: Why am I so depressed about my raging hard-on?
In: Chevy Chase
Residents are opposing: A plan to add lights to neighborhood tennis courts
Because: It will increase nighttime noise levels.
We say: Neighbors: 40 (and over); Love: Love
In: Takoma, D.C.
Residents are opposing: People “just hanging out” in front of businesses
Because: They’re bothersome.
We say: If you’re going to be an eyesore, at least play a tambourine
or something.
In: Cleveland Park
Residents are opposing: X2: X-Men United at the Uptown Theater
Because: Patrons leave behind lots of litter.
We say: Cleveland Park ANC voices support for Mutant Registration Act. Josh Levin