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Women of America, simplify your lives. Drop the magazines and pricey therapists already, and turn to the tube for the only mentor you’ll ever need. Tina Fey, the first female head writer at Saturday Night Live, will reassure you after those newsmagazine threats about fertility (“I definitely should have had a baby at age 27, living in Chicago, over a biker bar, pulling down a cool 12 grand a year. That would have worked out great!”). And she can address your international-relations and dieting concerns in one efficient barb (“Don’t think that by eating Freedom fries you’re being patriotic and helping the war effort. Use less gasoline, read a newspaper. You know what? How about we cool it with the Freedom fries anyway, you fat asses!”). Today, Fey lends her wit to the Women Speak Symposium, a day of lectures benefiting the Empower Program, a District-based nonprofit that works with young women to end gender-based violence. Learn that self-discovery doesn’t have to be so serious at 10 a.m. at the Washington Plaza Hotel, 10 Thomas Circle, NW. $85. (202) 232-8200. (Tricia Olszewski)