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In: Brightwood

Residents are opposing: Sports-bike riders speeding through the neighborhood

Because: They disregard traffic laws and endanger pedestrians.

We say: Speed bumps make great moguls.

In: Foggy Bottom

Residents are opposing: The Watergate’s plans to turn one of its buildings into condos

Because: It could become a “de facto dorm” for George Washington University students.

We say: It’s Watergate-gate!

In: Shepherd Park

Residents are opposing: Morris Miller Liquors on Georgia Avenue

Because: Customers allegedly drink singles and then urinate on Northminster Presbyterian Church.

We say: Somewhere, Andrés Serrano is kicking himself.

In: Brookland

Residents are opposing: Guys setting off fireworks

Because: The explosions leave smoke clouds hanging over the neighborhood.

We say: Now how do we celebrate the fireworks ban?

In: Tenleytown

Residents are opposing: Somebody stealing items from mail deliveries

Because: The thief takes pricey organic produce and natural vitamins.

We say: Defraud your neighbors the Jack LaLanne way. —John Metcalfe and Josh Levin