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Hey there, Dr. Drew! Whassup? You may remember me: I’m the guy who called you on Loveline when, um, part of me got stuck in the tailpipe of my mom’s Windstar minivan. You rock! I’m doing much better now. I hear you wrote a book called Cracked: Putting Broken Lives Together Again. It’s all about doing drugs. Man, first sex and now drugs. You are the true Party Doctor! So, I started reading your book and it seems that you are, like, against drugs and shit, on account of the fact that drug addicts have a hard time with “deep, lasting, and meaningful relationships.” My mom tells me that I need to read Cracked because I sit around all day in her basement looking at Internet porn, puffing nugz, and swiping her pain pills. Well, at least there are pictures in your book, though they are all of that Humpty Dumpty dude for some reason. But I can relate to you. You talk about your own problems. Even though you make lots of loot and have a perfect family, you say that you have your own addiction: You “want to rescue everyone.” You are keeping it real, Dr. Drew. I also like that you got Andy Dick and Robert Downey Jr. to write blurbs for your book. Those guys really know how to get down, but I guess Nick Nolte was too busy getting arrested in his jammies to help you out. I’m stoked to hear you read at 7:30 p.m. Monday, Aug. 25, at Borders, 5871 Crossroads Center Way, Baileys Crossroads. Free. (703) 998-0404. (David Dunlap Jr.)