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In: Near Northeast

Residents Are Opposing: Kids playing basketball in the street

Because: Missed passes sometimes break car windows.

We Say: Stop complaining, start coaching.

In: Shepherd Park

Residents Are Opposing: Parking-enforcement officers

Because: They ticket illegally parked cars.

We Say: What’s next, arresting criminals? Oh, right.

In: Columbia Heights

Residents Are Opposing: Construction companies

Because: Building work has caused an upswing in the rat population.

We Say: Each building should have 25 percent of its space reserved for low-income rats.

In: Cleveland Park

Residents Are Opposing: Good-hearted folks feeding other people’s cats

Because: Extra food makes kitty sick.

We Say: Don’t you know my cat has a body-image problem?

In: Takoma Park

Residents Are Opposing: Upbeat, pseudo-religious, door-to-door magazine sellers

Because: They won’t take no for an answer.

We Say: Offer is valid until Jan. 31, Apocalypse. —Josh Levin