Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat! I was most dismayed at the flagrant disregard for the feelings of Anglo-American dog-harness aficionados citywide shown by Darrell Smith’s hurtful comments in “Braking Away” (8/29). I’m a white man, and flipping through the Washington City Paper one day, I dropped to my knees at the local Starbucks and screeched, “Great Caesar’s ghost, what a glorious harness!” I spent the next 45 minutes weeping openly into my latte.

That is, until those stark words—”White people don’t appreciate it”—seared my brain like the branding of a bull. Anger and fear replaced my time of awe-struck reverence. I felt isolated in my harness idolatry. But another reader was circling the store with the paper, showing anyone who would look the angelic leatherwork. Jumping on top of the counter, he shouted, “Three cheers for the most amazing harness to grace God’s green Earth! Huzzah, Huzzah, Huzzah!”

The crowd was so moved by the harness, a riot quickly broke out when a particularly jubilant reveler threw the espresso machine through the picture window in the front of the store. I barely escaped with my life.

These are the pains I will endure to continue my love of the harness. Please help me spread the word! Anyone can love the harness, whether white, black, purple, green, or whatever. Anyone.

President

E.O.G.F.P.D.H. (Equal Opportunity Group for the Promotion of Dog Harnesses)

Arlington, Va.