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In: Hillcrest
Residents Are Opposing: A proposed bicycle lane on Massachusetts Avenue SE
Because: The lane knocks out street parking.
We Say: For your trouble, one free shot at dooring a biker!
In: Brightwood
Residents Are Opposing: The proposed test closure of Beach Drive
Because: “It ignores the great weight of the advisory neighborhood commission.”*
We Say: What’s an advisory neighborhood commission?
In: Takoma Park
Residents Are Opposing: Children
Because: They egg houses and, on one occasion, people.
We Say: Neighbors fight back by catapulting egg-white omelets.
In: Shepherd Park
Residents Are Opposing: Trees behind Fort Stevens Recreation Center
Because: The vegetation conceals people staging dogfights.
We Say: They’re not fightingthey’re just playing with
each other’s carotid arteries.
In: Columbia Heights
Residents Are Opposing: Public drinking
Because: “Feces and vomit will follow…”**
We Say: Can’t you hold it ’til Target gets here?
Josh Levin
* From a Sept. 2 community meeting
** From a neighborhood electronic bulletin board