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In: Woodley Park

Residents Are Opposing: Utility poles

Because: They look as if they’re from “1910.”

We Say: Elizabethan poles available from Brass Knob.

In: Chevy Chase

Residents Are Opposing: Traffic studies

Because: The results are always divisive, pitting street against street, block against block.

We Say: The man with the mutton chops and the Mississippi rifle has the floor.

In: Foggy Bottom

Residents Are Opposing: GWU’s practice of parking service trucks on the I Street “pedestrian mall”

Because: Pedestrian malls are made for walking.

We Say: A pedestrian mall? Sounds like a great spot for a new dorm.

In: Petworth

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Residents Are Opposing: The PA system at Barnard Elementary

Because: Residents can hear announcements from across the street.

We Say: “There will be an emergency meeting of the water-balloon club after school.”

In: Brightwood

Residents Are Opposing: A slovenly group house

Because: Its sagging garage is falling down.

We Say: We’ll, like, put it on the chore wheel. —Josh Levin