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You’ve got the jones—real bad. You grab the baggie from the closet’s top shelf and shake it out onto the carpet. But something’s wrong. UGYAOUI? Who sold you this shit? No matter how you arrange the little square tablets, you can’t find the combination that’ll rocket you into paradise. Would “Yugo” work? Maybe you should’ve slept last night, instead of reading the dictionary again. Never fear: Stefan Fatsis—author of the Scrabble screed Word Freak—and National Scrabble Association director John Williams Jr. are in town to teach you how to convert the most bogus of letter draws into a lexicographical buzz at the “Become a SCRABBLE Expert!” seminar. They’ll share the score-ratcheting strategies of tournament pros, including the deployment of “secret” words, vowelless words, and the 10 elusive Q-without-U words. UGYAOUI? Goy…yagi… ouguiya! The standard monetary unit of Mauritania! The program begins at 10 a.m. at the S. Dillon Ripley Center, Room 3037, 1100 Jefferson Drive SW. $150. (202) 357-3030. (John Metcalfe)