We know D.C. Get our free newsletter to stay in the know.

The calculus of rock ‘n’ roll allows for an infinite number of equations, and yes, there is a point in space marking the intersection of (a) Enya, (b) Richard Marx, and (c) cranked-up soccer

hooligans. C equals speed, and b explains the fey vox. But the Enya

factor? Oh, sweet interminability! —Joe Warminsky