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In: Takoma
Residents Are Opposing: The new electronic message board outside CVS
Because: It’s annoying.
We Say: “HELLO….WELCOME TO CVS… SEE P@RIS H!LTON F*CKING….HELLO….”
In: Cleveland Park
Residents Are Opposing: A dumpster diver
Because: He could be stealing identities.
We Say: Is that homeless guy with the red knife really the Swiss ambassador?
In: 14th Street NW
Residents Are Opposing: The new graffiti hotshot “Chickenhead”
Because: He paints little chicken heads on buildings.
We Say: Neighborhood Orange Slut Patrol grateful.
In: Columbia Heights
Residents Are Opposing: Contractors
Because: At the end of the day, they dump their garbage on residents’ properties.
We Say: Are you sure that pile of asbestos wasn’t there before?
In: Brookland
Residents Are Opposing: A neighborhood teen
Because: He was knocking on doors at 9 p.m. after being locked out of his house.
We Say: And when you let him in, he talks about the coming of God’s Kingdom. —Josh Levin