Dear Darrell, Kwame, Kamal, Ron, John, and Montell: Who knew you were so complicated? Who could’ve guessed that your collective preoccupation with PlayStation, porn, and playoff games was just a messy repression of your need to love and be loved? Or that your weekly standing appointment at Club 55 was a much-needed form of solace? With The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love, bell hooks has opened my eyes. Her smart, feminist look at the inner workings of your little minds—minus the triteness of John Gray—has made it all clear: Patriarchal society and the mass media are as much to blame for our splits as your inability to keep your dicks in your Dockers. Still, intellectualizing your misdeeds doesn’t entirely excuse them: I know now that asking you to express your emotions was emasculating, dear ex-boyfriends, but in my book, you’re still all assholes. Grow from love when hooks speaks at 5 p.m. (see City List for other dates) at Sisterspace and Books, 1515 U St. NW. Free. (202) 332-3433. (Sarah Godfrey)