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“SAT” stands for “Suck-Ass Test”—that much we learn in the first few eloquently voice-overed seconds of high-school heist flick The Perfect Score. It sucks ass for Kyle (Chris Evans) because he needs a 1430 to get into Dartmouth and he scored a 1020. It sucks ass for Anna (Erika Christensen), too, because she’s paralyzed by a word problem about a woman on a train: Where was this woman going? Why was she alone? she wonders ruefully. The upshot of this SAS (“Suck-Ass Screenplay”): The bewildered kiddies, along with four of their closest friends, break into the Educational Testing Service and try to steal the answers. The easy flummoxing of the security crew leaves ample time for SAD (“Suck-Ass Director”) Brian Robbins to fritter away time with SAC (“Suck-Ass Comaraderie”): Sarcastic Francesca (a slumming Scarlett Johansson) hates her daddy, Matty (Bryan Greenberg) pines for his off-to-college girlfriend, and Desmond (surprisingly meek NBA bench-warmer Darius Miles) frets over his demanding mom (though he should be losing sleep over a discernible lack of a midrange jumper). Amid all the off-the-rack emoting, the only character who registers is the broadest: Asian stoner Roy (Leonardo Nam). But Nam’s winningly loopy horndog portrayal is far too little to measurably improve things. Evans channels Colin Hanks in his earnest lack of charisma, and along with its humor deficit, this MTV production features some alarmingly awful tunes—as well as an equally alarming lack of knowingness about high school. Indeed, the film’s premise virtually guarantees that it isn’t going to be smart: A kid so desperate to get into college that he would steal SAT answers would almost certainly know that the test isn’t deterministic. As Tracy Flick could surely tell you, test scores are only one thread in the complex tapestry of college admissions. Couldn’t these guys have just rigged a student election? —Josh Levin