City Paper is not for tourists
Residents Are Opposing: A new bridge on Taylor Street NE
Because: Construction will require the closing of Puerto Rico Avenue NE.
We Say: This would never happen if Puerto Rico had a shadow senator.
In: Capitol View
Residents Are Opposing: U6 Metrobuses
Because: The oversized vehicles shake houses on 50th Street NE.
We Say: If you add shock absorbers, the bus will explode.
In: Adams Morgan
Residents Are Opposing: A new Harris Teeter supermarket
Because: Liquor license + big supermarket = big traffic.
We Say: What’s this about a big Teeter?
Residents Are Opposing: Greater Deliverance Church of God in Christ
Because: The pastor parks his Rolls-Royce on the sidewalk.
We Say: Well, the Lord wouldn’t buy him a Mercedes-Benz.
In: Barnaby Woods
Residents Are Opposing: Knollwood Military Retirement Home
Because: Expansion of the “dementia unit” will dwarf neighboring homes.
We Say: Architects plead insanity at zoning-board meeting. —Josh Levin