In: Southwest

Residents Are Opposing: A steel plate at the intersection of 4th and M Streets

Because: Cars might fall through it.

We Say: I know a shortcut to China.

In: Petworth

Residents Are Opposing: Sharpe Health School

Because: The toilets don’t work.

We Say: Cholera makes a nice class pet.

In: Eckington

Residents Are Opposing: McKinley Tech

Because: Construction workers’ unguarded tools attract thieves.

We Say: Jackhammer-point muggings up 1,800 percent.

In: Burleith

Residents Are Opposing: The District Department of Transportation

Because: New parking signs by Ellington School require them to get up at 5:30 a.m. to move their cars.

We Say: The 15-minute swing reveille didn’t wake you up already?

In: Shepherd Park

Residents Are Opposing: Montgomery County cops

Because: They pursue criminals right across the District line.

We Say: D.C. Council proposes 2 percent commuter tax on loot. —Josh Levin