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To paraphrase an old Saturday Night Live gag, what’s Germany’s favorite shaftlike thing with a tip on the end? Get your mind out of the gutter. Why, it’s wholesome, delicious Spargel, of course—asparagus. And this time of year, residents of little Bavarian towns (such as Schrobenhausen, home of the European Asparagus Museum) sidle up for plateful after plateful of das königliche Gemüse—the royal vegetable—washed down with a crisp Gewürztraminer. Stateside, the hardcore Spargelfreunde can head down to Glover Park standby Old Europe, which has an annual asparagus festival, to get a full pound of the stuff and a side of parsley potatoes for $12.85. But if you’re into the prix-fixe thing and have cash to burn, head down to the German Embassy’s Asparagus Festival. Get your Spargel on at 7 p.m. at the Embassy of Germany, 4645 Reservoir Road NW. $70. (202) 244-3700. (Mike DeBonis)